In high school Spanish class around the middle of the school year, I remember being surprised at how quickly I picked up certain words and sentences. We were practicing basic conversations, and my teacher asked me to introduce myself and say a few sentences out loud with somebody in class, to practice conversation. It flowed out of me pretty naturally and I didn’t overthink anything. I could greet my partner, ask them how they were doing, and ask them some personal questions. What stood out to me most in that moment was the confidence I felt speaking Spanish.

What surprised me was I was picking up the language really easily during class. I didn’t have to second guess myself much, and even if I had trouble, I found it easy to keep going, even though Yoruba was the language I had grown up hearing at home. My parents never taught me their language; they always spoke to me in English. I just picked up the language through listening over the years. That realization felt strange that I was learning a different language while I hadn’t fully mastered my own yet. It felt weird and I felt a little guilty. I was thinking to myself, how could a language I had only studied for a short time in a classroom feel easier to speak than my parents’ native language? I felt like I was more connected to a language I had only just started learning than the language my parents speak. Even though I grew up here my entire life, I feel sort of obligated to fully speak and understand my parents’ language, because I think that it is important to preserve culture and identity, and language is a big part of that. Ever since this realization, I try as much as possible to speak to my family members in Yoruba and ask them as many questions as I can about words, or if I’m having trouble understanding it. I also try as much as possible to practice Spanish whenever I can on my phone so I don’t forget everything.

Looking back, I realize that this moment in Spanish class wasn’t just about learning a new language, it was about realizing how language shapes our confidence and even our relationship to identity. This realization helped me get closer to my identity.